He wasn't sure when her memory had begun to slip. It had been gradual at first; losing her keys, not remembering where she parked at the store, not being able to recall the name of a person she had seen that day. He brushed it off as the effects of age. His wife was 62 years old, and everyone knows memory is one of the first things to go. They went about their daily round of activities; he working in the church as an associate pastor and she taking care of the home they had shared for 40 years. They never had children so it had always just been the two of them. He wondered what their future held.
She happily dusted the furniture, the lamps, and the piano. Then she sat down to play. What delight she found in music. She could so easily lose herself and her cares while playing a beloved old hymn. She played flawlessly and with little effort; she had been doing this so long as the church pianist it was just like breathing to her...so natural and done without a thought. She smiled as she completed the notes of her favorite hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul."
At church, they were the picture of happiness; the perfect role models for younger married couples. Always together, serving side by side in the Lord's house. They were admired by everyone. Especially him. He was a very handsome 64-year-old, who seemed much younger than he was. Always respectful and and friendly, his southern gentleman persona charmed everyone...except for her. She was no longer charmed by the persona because she knew the person behind it.
All smiles and handshakes in the church building, they would no sooner get the car doors closed before he would start in on her. He scrutinized every little thing she did, from her hair to her dress to the way she played the songs in church. She never understood why he was so angry and so critical of her. Everything she did was wrong. No matter how she tried she couldn't please him. If only he would treat her with the kindness and respect that he showed to others...but no, she knew that was phony as well.. He would spend the rest of the drive home criticizing the deacons, the music minister, and the senior pastor. In their private life, he had nothing good to say about anyone.
He grew increasingly more angry and frustrated with his wife now that her memory had started to fade. "You are so stupid! How can a person lose their keys every single day?" He had endured 40 long years of marriage to this clumsy, incompetent excuse for a woman. She never did anything right. How much more would he have to endure? She had always been a constant source of irritation, but he reckoned it was his cross to bear. Her utter uselessness as a wife made him feel fully justified in all the things he did. He was a very important man, and he made sure she knew it. Daily.
She had wondered many times over the years if he had affairs. Of course he was a pastor and that would certainly be out of character for a pastor. But really, he was only a pastor in public. At home, he was a jackass. He threw tantrums like a toddler when things weren't done exactly to his specifications. Pants not ironed good enough, dinner a little burnt, a forgotten item on the grocery list....any little thing could set him off. He would assail her with his hateful words, each one breaking a little more of her spirit. But that was before. Now her memory was slipping. It gave her some relief from the constant verbal assaults.
Though he was frustrated by her declining memory, he wasted no time in seizing the opportunity before him. "Now I can do whatever I want and she won't even remember." A wicked smile appeared as he thought about this. He pondered all the things he could so easily do now.
His treatment of her now was truly abhorrent. He didn't waste his time berating her anymore, because he knew it didn't do any good. Instead, he would call women with her right in the next room. Who cared if she overheard? She won't remember. He'd stay out all night and give her some pathetic excuse and say, "I told you I was going out of town a thousand times...you just don't remember." She would nod and smile and say, "Yes, that's right, I remember now dear." Then she would go about her chores; folding the laundry, washing the dishes, then sit down at her beloved piano. What comfort it brought her. She never played when he was around. It was a private pleasure she preferred to enjoy alone. She had long since given up playing the piano in church, her husband afraid she might forget what she was doing and embarrass him.
He sat at a stop light pondering his situation. A child crossed the street alone with an ice cream cone. Where was his mother? This child was too little to be crossing streets by himself. Then it hit him. She was like a child. How easy it would be for her to get lost.
He came home in an unusually good mood that day. "Honey? Where are you?"
"Here I am dear. How was your day?"
"Oh, just fine, fine. Listen, I thought maybe you and I could take a drive. It's a beautiful autumn day and the leaves are turning. I know how much you love this time of year."
Her eyes lit up.
"Oh! That would be lovely! Just let me get my sweater...now where did I leave it?"
He rolled his eyes and grabbed the sweater from the closet, smiling through clinched teeth.
"Here it is sweetheart."
Sweetheart? My, my...what had gotten into him? She simply smiled at the thought.
The southern gentleman helped her on with her sweater and opened the car door for her, a thing he had not done in decades. Again, she smiled. As they drove along, she gazed out at the beautiful world God had created; the colorful leaves, the fall flowers, the bright blue sky. The words to "This Is My Father's World" ran through her mind, but she kept them to herself and pondered the lyrics in her heart. Before long they were in places unfamiliar.
"Where are we?" she asked her husband.
"Oh don't tell me you've forgotten about our little cabin out in the woods! We've been going there for years. I thought it might be nice to drive up there and see how things look from the mountains."
"Oh of course! The cabin...yes." She smiled.
This was going to be so much easier than he thought. He would just drive her far, far away from home and drop her off in a strange town and that would be that. He'd done the same with those unwanted puppies they had early in their marriage...just dumped them in the country to be someone else's problem. He was far too busy of a man to deal with puppies or senile women.
He turned down a lonely road.
"Are we almost to the cabin?" she asked with the innocence of a child.
"Almost...let's get out here and take a look at the lake, shall we?"
The gentleman opened her door and helped her step out of the vehicle. She looked at the loons and ducks enjoying the stillness and solitude of the lake. She walked toward them, enjoying the same things.
Her husband acted swiftly. With her back turned he jumped right back in the car and peeled out in the opposite direction, gravel flying. He drove off grinning, knowing he had just divorced himself from a situation he had been trapped in by his own choosing for years. Now he could truly be free. No one in the church could blame him for moving on with his life after his wife's unfortunate disappearance.
She continued gazing out at the lake and the birds, seeming not even to notice he was gone. Oh but she noticed. She noticed everything he did. All those days at home alone gave her a lot of time to think...about her life, about the future, about what she wanted. Amazing how she could remember those lovely old songs of faith when she played the piano at home. He never once considered that she might remember other things as well. He had just given her the divorce SHE had always wanted.
She pulled out her cell phone and called a taxi. They didn't really have a cabin in the woods. But SHE had a house in another state.The life she had always dreamed of was about to begin, and it was well with her soul.