“Darling, it’s a perfect day for the party, everything looks marvelous.”
“Shirley, in ten minutes they’ll will be here, what else do we need?”
“Nothing, Harry, absolutely – Oh my god, look at that.”
“What honey?”
“Cleo. She’s standing behind the big tree again.”
“Maybe we should have invited her to the party.”
“What for, Harry? She doesn’t know Art and Gladys.”
“She’s a neighbor.”
“A damn weird one -with a missing husband. And she’s always trying to see what’s going on.”
“So what? Invite her, maybe she’ll tell us how he disappeared off that cruise ship.”
“No, I want to have fun and get drunk, I don’t want the weirdo next door with my friends here.”
“Whatever. We got a few minutes, want to fool around?”
“Harry, you are perpetually horny. I still can’t believe we tried to do it in the mall yesterday.”
“And you loved it. My god, our lawn is beautiful.”
“Pour me a martini. And behind the shower curtains.”
“You turned me on when we were in the kitchen department, Shirley, the way you ran those carving knives over your hands, my god that was sexy.”
“I’m glad you don’t follow me into the bathroom.”
“That’s an idea I never thought about. You are racy, sweetheart.”
“Is the grill ready?”
“Of course. Hey! Look who’s here first! Simon and Marcello.”
“There’s a pair to draw to.”
“Hush, they’ll hear you, Shirley.”
“Shut up and pour me another one, Harry. Your martinis are top drawer.”
“I love it when you’re buzzed. Let’s go inside for a quickie. I’m so hot I could call 911.”
“And what about S and M here?”
“Damn it. You’re right. Hey Simon, hey Marcello, how you doing? Glad you made it.”
“We wouldn’t have missed it, Art and Gladys are so-o-o-o special,” said Simon.
“And her shoes!” said Marcello, “Macy’s has nothing on Gladys. I just want to walk through her closet and try them all on.”
“They may be a little small for you,” said Shirley.
“Honey, I will fit my size twelve into whatever she has.”
“Our neighbor, Cleo,” said Harry, “has ten times more shoes than Gladys.”
“Omigod!” said Marcello, “Is she coming over?”
“She’s standing behind that big tree, down near the pond,” said Harry, “She always hides and waits to be invited.”
“Twisted,” said Marcello, “I like that.”
“Yes you do,” said Simon.
“Why don’t you go invite her, and maybe she’ll let you see those shoes,” said Harry.
“She’s a weirdo,” said Shirley, “And her husband disappeared off a cruise ship.”
“Ooh, a mystery woman,” said Marcello, “I like her even more. Let’s go talk to her, honey, it could be very intriguing.”
“Why the hell did you do that?” said Shirley, “And I’ve never seen that woman in anything but flip-flops.”
“We’re alone, at least for a few minutes, let’s step inside the little shed,” said Harry.
“I would, but I’ve had to fix my hair twice already today. As soon as everyone leaves.”
“I don’t think I can wait that long, Shirley,” said Harry.
“Look, here are Art and Gladys. Hello, Gallaghers! Happy Anniversary to the both of you, you are such a divine couple. And Gladys, those heels, oh my god.”
“Shirley, you are too kind,” said Gladys.
“I know, but we all have faults,” said Shirley, “Here, have a martini, drink up.”
“I saw Simon’s car outside, are him and Marcello going to jump out and yell, surprise?” said Art.
“They’re down by the pond trying to talk the weirdo next door into coming over,” said Shirley.
“And try on some shoes,” said Harry.
“What on earth are you two talking about?” said Gladys.
“Forget it,” said Shirley, “Harry sent them on a quest so he and I could do a quickie in the shed.”
“How romantic,” said Gladys, “you two go right ahead, we will devour this pitcher of martinis while you’re gone.”
“And maybe we’ll join you,” said Art.
“Too late,” said Harry, “Here comes the unholy trio.”
“Is that the one you told me about – whose husband disappeared?” said Gladys.
“Probably jumped ship,” said Shirley, “look at those clothes.”
“My god, tie-dye,” said Gladys, “All she’s missing is scarf wrapped around that mess of hair.”
“Marcello is wearing it,” said Harry, “They must have hit it off.”
“Weird and weirder,” said Shirley, “But who will be the weirdest?”
“Poor Simon,” said Harry, “All he ever wanted was a sweet, cozy home.”
“Hello, Cleo darling,” said Shirley, “I am so pleased you came over, you’ve met Simon and Marcello, and this is Art and Gladys. My two dearest friends. We are celebrating their anniversary today.”
“Would you like a martini,” said Harry.
“Got any Scotch?” Cleo said.
“Of course,” said Harry, “Dewars okay?.”
“Delightful,” said Cleo, “A triple.”
“Say, I like a good drinker,” said Harry, “I’ll make you a special.”
“Great, but what you got for the head?” said Cleo.
“You need an aspirin?” said Marcello.
“You never ask me that, when I have a headache” said Simon.
“You don’t dress like lovely Cleo, either,” said Martino.
“I don’t have a bloody headache,” said Cleo, “What you got for the head – some weed? Ecstasy? Anything?”
“We don’t do drugs,” said Shirley, “At least not any longer.”
“Boring,” said Cleo. “Try this. It’s Jamaicapulco, absolutely devastating. Pass the pipe.”
“We smoked some, and I am in Shangri-la,” said Marcello.
“Here’s your drink, Cleo, let me try that pipe,” said Harry.
“This is so tasty, Harry,” said Cleo, “Marcello, you want to see my shoes? I have two pair. You bring Simon over and we can dress for him. I am horny.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Harry,” said Shirley, “That was so mean of you.”
“She’s gone – just what you wanted, now let Marcello deal with her horny ass.”
“What’d you do?” said Gladys.
“I dosed her. Viagra and Scotch.”
“Kinky,” said Art, “I like that.”
“Good,” said Harry, “I dosed the martinis also.”