By Paisley Swan Stewart (Dancing~Rain~Deception)
The view outside the studio was gloomy. Gray rain streaked down the windows as Lily strapped on her pointe shoes. This was not where she expected to be on this day. This was not what she was meant to be doing.
It had taken a monumental effort just to get out of bed that morning, and now there she was trying to go about her day as if nothing had happened. But something had happened.
She felt badly about how she had treated her mother the night before. She felt badly about how she had been treating everyone over the past several weeks-but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to be alone. She needed to dance, and nothing anyone said or did could change the fact that he had left her for some classless teenager. Well, she’d heard that the girl was actually 19 and had had a boob job!
Thunder rumbled in the walls, and the unseasonable weather seemed to confirm her sense of worthlessness as she wrapped the frayed ribbon around her ankle then pulled it taut. Rising up from the bench, she straightened her spine and flicked her eyes to the mirrored wall.
The mirrors reflected shades of gray on everything. Her wrap skirt bore tinges of gray in its layered white chiffon as she grasped the fine fabric with her fingertips and squeezed hard.
She could not understand why this had happened. Why had he broken their engagement only weeks before the wedding? Why couldn’t he have been honest with her in the first place? What was wrong with her that he would treat her with so little regard? And how could she have been so blind, completely misjudging his character? They had dated for 8 months prior to the engagement, and in all that time, she never suspected a thing!
The weather report had forecast sunshine, but here it was raining in the middle of August. August 16th-the date that had been inscribed on the wedding invitations. August 16th-the day she was to have been married to the love of her life.
Feeling cold and slightly stiff, Lily drug her feet across the floor and collected her ipod from her bag. She selected Adagio For Strings from her list of favorites and set the ipod into the port, then touched ‘play’.
The music began with a solo violin.
This was the most beautiful piece of music ever written, and it perfectly echoed her state of mind as she swept out her arms and began the dance, reliving the events leading up to this day.
She recalled the first time she had seen him. She remembered the first time they had made love; their hikes in the woods and bike rides along the lake; and she could see his face in her mind as plainly as if he were there beside her. She reflected on the day her mother and sisters had accompanied her to the bridal shop. The gown. So beautiful. So perfect. It was now hanging in her mother’s closet; the lace and silk entombed in a plastic garment bag. She doubted she would ever be able to look at that dress again.
The Adagio plodded its way, the strings pulsing like the taut veins in her neck. Contrary to her classical training, Lily made no attempt to make the dance light or graceful. Instead, she brought her slippered feet down hard on the floor and allowed the weight of her anger to drag her body around the room like a rag doll. The dance wasn’t beautiful. It was raw and sensory.
As the Adagio reached its crescendo, Lily felt her body give way. Her knees collapsed and she was driven down to the floor.
In a froth of white chiffon, she buried her face in her hands and cried. She couldn’t help wondering where he was now, what he was doing, and what he saw in that young girl.
Despite her best friend’s attempt to keep the truth from her, the rumors had gotten to Lily’s ears. It was a small town and now everyone knew the truth. It was humiliating, their looks of commiseration.
“Poor Lily,” she could read their thoughts. “Left at the altar.”
The Adagio resolved, and as Lily glanced up at the mirror, it suddenly occurred to her that she had chosen music often associated with death. Feeling utterly foolish, she sat down on her backside and stretched her legs out, flexed her toes, then wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.
She felt better now. Just getting that our of her system had relieved the tension in her body, and as she gazed at her disheveled appearance in the mirror, she realized that she had no choice but to get over this. She was only 28 years old and ‘there were still plenty of fish in the sea’, her mother had advised her. Though it had angered Lily at the time, her father had also wisely said that her life wasn’t over just because some idiot player had dumped her.
Bending at the waist, Lily unlaced her toe shoes and yanked them off her feet, then tossed them across the floor.
“What a drama queen I am!” she muttered to herself as she rose to her feet, raised her chin resolutely, and smoothed her skirt with her fingertips.
“Well, screw him!” her angry shout ricocheted off the mirrors and windows.
With her lips pursed and eyes flashing, Lily ran in her bare feet back to her ipod, selected another piece of music and touched ‘play’. Turning the ipod up to its maximum volume, she tossed her head back and began gyrating and bobbing just like the kids in the clubs, to the music of Florence and the Machine.
“Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah…”
The view outside the studio was gloomy. Gray rain streaked down the windows as Lily strapped on her pointe shoes. This was not where she expected to be on this day. This was not what she was meant to be doing.
It had taken a monumental effort just to get out of bed that morning, and now there she was trying to go about her day as if nothing had happened. But something had happened.
She felt badly about how she had treated her mother the night before. She felt badly about how she had been treating everyone over the past several weeks-but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to be alone. She needed to dance, and nothing anyone said or did could change the fact that he had left her for some classless teenager. Well, she’d heard that the girl was actually 19 and had had a boob job!
Thunder rumbled in the walls, and the unseasonable weather seemed to confirm her sense of worthlessness as she wrapped the frayed ribbon around her ankle then pulled it taut. Rising up from the bench, she straightened her spine and flicked her eyes to the mirrored wall.
The mirrors reflected shades of gray on everything. Her wrap skirt bore tinges of gray in its layered white chiffon as she grasped the fine fabric with her fingertips and squeezed hard.
She could not understand why this had happened. Why had he broken their engagement only weeks before the wedding? Why couldn’t he have been honest with her in the first place? What was wrong with her that he would treat her with so little regard? And how could she have been so blind, completely misjudging his character? They had dated for 8 months prior to the engagement, and in all that time, she never suspected a thing!
The weather report had forecast sunshine, but here it was raining in the middle of August. August 16th-the date that had been inscribed on the wedding invitations. August 16th-the day she was to have been married to the love of her life.
Feeling cold and slightly stiff, Lily drug her feet across the floor and collected her ipod from her bag. She selected Adagio For Strings from her list of favorites and set the ipod into the port, then touched ‘play’.
The music began with a solo violin.
This was the most beautiful piece of music ever written, and it perfectly echoed her state of mind as she swept out her arms and began the dance, reliving the events leading up to this day.
She recalled the first time she had seen him. She remembered the first time they had made love; their hikes in the woods and bike rides along the lake; and she could see his face in her mind as plainly as if he were there beside her. She reflected on the day her mother and sisters had accompanied her to the bridal shop. The gown. So beautiful. So perfect. It was now hanging in her mother’s closet; the lace and silk entombed in a plastic garment bag. She doubted she would ever be able to look at that dress again.
The Adagio plodded its way, the strings pulsing like the taut veins in her neck. Contrary to her classical training, Lily made no attempt to make the dance light or graceful. Instead, she brought her slippered feet down hard on the floor and allowed the weight of her anger to drag her body around the room like a rag doll. The dance wasn’t beautiful. It was raw and sensory.
As the Adagio reached its crescendo, Lily felt her body give way. Her knees collapsed and she was driven down to the floor.
In a froth of white chiffon, she buried her face in her hands and cried. She couldn’t help wondering where he was now, what he was doing, and what he saw in that young girl.
Despite her best friend’s attempt to keep the truth from her, the rumors had gotten to Lily’s ears. It was a small town and now everyone knew the truth. It was humiliating, their looks of commiseration.
“Poor Lily,” she could read their thoughts. “Left at the altar.”
The Adagio resolved, and as Lily glanced up at the mirror, it suddenly occurred to her that she had chosen music often associated with death. Feeling utterly foolish, she sat down on her backside and stretched her legs out, flexed her toes, then wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.
She felt better now. Just getting that our of her system had relieved the tension in her body, and as she gazed at her disheveled appearance in the mirror, she realized that she had no choice but to get over this. She was only 28 years old and ‘there were still plenty of fish in the sea’, her mother had advised her. Though it had angered Lily at the time, her father had also wisely said that her life wasn’t over just because some idiot player had dumped her.
Bending at the waist, Lily unlaced her toe shoes and yanked them off her feet, then tossed them across the floor.
“What a drama queen I am!” she muttered to herself as she rose to her feet, raised her chin resolutely, and smoothed her skirt with her fingertips.
“Well, screw him!” her angry shout ricocheted off the mirrors and windows.
With her lips pursed and eyes flashing, Lily ran in her bare feet back to her ipod, selected another piece of music and touched ‘play’. Turning the ipod up to its maximum volume, she tossed her head back and began gyrating and bobbing just like the kids in the clubs, to the music of Florence and the Machine.
“Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah…”