By Cynthia Schuerr (Divorce/Ice cream/Delightful)
I thought it would be easier somehow, once the papers were signed. I would be free to focus on what I really wanted my life to be. I wasn’t sure what that was, but being stuck in my mother’s life, I knew I would never find out.
Maybe it was being selfish, but was it fair to be a young girl just out of high school and be told that college wasn’t necessary, because I would just get married and raise a family.
As if, raising a family was easy or inconsequential.
With that mindset, the underlying tone of my unimportance prevailed and even though we tried to make it work, divorce was inevitable.
Never feeling that I did well enough at anything; and always needing to try something else, I hoped one day I would find that perfect niche. I did...and it was motherhood.
Being a mom meant loving them and teaching them to love themselves. To be comfortable with who they are. To teach them right from wrong and good manners. To give them an education, the best I could, about life. To show them that they mattered and to be there to comfort them and validate their feelings, whatever they were going through at the time. And to help them through the emotional roller coaster of life without judging them.
My decision to divorce had no bearing on the man I married. He was the best and I was lucky to have him, so I was repeatedly told. Again...in my head, not good enough for him...or anyone, but my children.
But something happened, something I never ever thought would…I am no longer needed in that role.
My job is done, so I’ve been told, by those who no longer need my nurturing. My children are grown with families of their own and I am blessed with delightful grandchildren.
My job is done…now what?
~~~~~~~~~~~
“Here you go, Ms. Ellie.” The nurses aide handed me a scoop of vanilla ice cream…my just dessert. Nothing more, nothing less...just a boring scoop of vanilla ice cream. I smiled.
She asked how I was feeling today, but had moved on before I could answer her.
I sat staring out of a smudged window pane, and it became very clear to me...those words,
"You are ONLY going to get married and raise a family"...those words still sounded as inconsequential...as I had become.
I thought it would be easier somehow, once the papers were signed. I would be free to focus on what I really wanted my life to be. I wasn’t sure what that was, but being stuck in my mother’s life, I knew I would never find out.
Maybe it was being selfish, but was it fair to be a young girl just out of high school and be told that college wasn’t necessary, because I would just get married and raise a family.
As if, raising a family was easy or inconsequential.
With that mindset, the underlying tone of my unimportance prevailed and even though we tried to make it work, divorce was inevitable.
Never feeling that I did well enough at anything; and always needing to try something else, I hoped one day I would find that perfect niche. I did...and it was motherhood.
Being a mom meant loving them and teaching them to love themselves. To be comfortable with who they are. To teach them right from wrong and good manners. To give them an education, the best I could, about life. To show them that they mattered and to be there to comfort them and validate their feelings, whatever they were going through at the time. And to help them through the emotional roller coaster of life without judging them.
My decision to divorce had no bearing on the man I married. He was the best and I was lucky to have him, so I was repeatedly told. Again...in my head, not good enough for him...or anyone, but my children.
But something happened, something I never ever thought would…I am no longer needed in that role.
My job is done, so I’ve been told, by those who no longer need my nurturing. My children are grown with families of their own and I am blessed with delightful grandchildren.
My job is done…now what?
~~~~~~~~~~~
“Here you go, Ms. Ellie.” The nurses aide handed me a scoop of vanilla ice cream…my just dessert. Nothing more, nothing less...just a boring scoop of vanilla ice cream. I smiled.
She asked how I was feeling today, but had moved on before I could answer her.
I sat staring out of a smudged window pane, and it became very clear to me...those words,
"You are ONLY going to get married and raise a family"...those words still sounded as inconsequential...as I had become.
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