Hi. My name is Donna Gibson and i'm a senior in high school. I was fine until I got to school today. Nothing was out of the ordinary. My first class today was philosophy. Until today, it usually was enough to put me back to sleep.
Note to self: Don't ever get a job that requires knowledge of philosophy. I thought to myself, 'definitely not a problem!' I was thinking this and cracking myself up, laughing in my imagination because I was so
funny.
That's when the teacher, Mr. Jackson ended up standing in front of my desk. He cleared his throat and I jumped as I realized I had been daydreaming. He had asked me a question and I hadn't noticed or heard a word he had said. I looked up, embarrassed and wishing I could crawl in a hole. I could feel everyone one in the class staring at me as if I was some kind of deformed oddity.
Mr. Jackson said, "Okay - Donna Gibson, now that your awake - let me repeat the question - Would you rather be on the outside looking in? Or would you rather be on the inside looking out?"
"Wow." I said out loud. I hadn't meant to, but the question caught me so off balance. Mr. Jackson smiled at my confusion and started to walk away, taking me off the hook for an answer right away. Mr. Jackson said,
"Don't worry Miss Gibson, there are millions of people in this world that can not answer that question. It has been the subject of many a debate between philosophers. So I don't expect an answer right now, but I do expect one by start of class tomorrow and I want an answer in 500 words or less in essay style. Except for Miss Gibson, who will be writing her essay in detention after school today - don't worry, I'll contact your parents and let them know so they don't worry about you being home late. I sighed, I'd bet that restriction would also be implemented before this blew over. Thanks Mr. Jackson!
I thought over and over about that question. To the point that I wondered if that is the effect that Mr. Jackson had intended, because if it was...it worked.
I pondered the first question: Outside looking in meant to me that I was separate from a group, from something I was observing that I may have wanted to be a part of, but could not be because I didn't meet certain criteria according to the dynamics of the current group. I thought of the popular 'click'. A group of kids who thought they were better. The group that thought being mean and insulting was okay. Or laughing and bullying people that weren't just like them was okay. They thought they were better because of money, clothes, beauty. My theory was that this group was insecure and that is why they acted they way the did.
Next was the second question: Did I want to be inside looking out? This meant to me that I was part of the group. I thought again of the popular girls. Would I have to be mean? Insult people and laugh and giggle when they walked by? Would this make me
feel better about myself? To be a part of this group, I would have to conform to their dynamics - yes I would have to do all of that. Be the mean, insulting bully to whoever didn't belong to the group.
That brought me to the conclusion that for these two situations, I'd rather be on the outside looking in. This way, I could watch and even admire the popular girls for some of their qualities. By remaining on the outside of this group - I did not have to change who I really am. I was happy with whoever or whatever anyone else wanted to be. I didn't have to accept any of the negative qualities of a group. I was happy with who I am. Except for when I got caught daydreaming in class of course.
I wrote all this down in essay form. I was so focused that I wrote right through my lunch hour and had the paper finished at the end of the day. After school, I went back to Mr. Jackson's class. As I walked in, I
handed him the paper and sat down, ready to serve my detention. He sat there and read the paper. I sat there nervously watching his face for some expression as he read it. He wrote the grade on the paper. I couldn't tell what he wrote from where I was. He also recorded it in his book an got up and walked over. He set the paper on my desk. It had a big A on it, circled with a happy face next to it. He simply said "It's impressive how insightful this paper is, keep
writing and he walked away.