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To Cathy Collar, who inspired me to invite gods and goddesses to play in the turf of this story.
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Where was my reason when I needed it. Where was the help. And, now, where am I. Few things grow in the desert. Yet, some things grow and some things crawl in it.
Sunlight can be the companion of blindness.
Eyes closed to preserve their moisture, Nate crawls another inch. Still no map. Still no water. His life shows in his mind as random flashes, a collage in progress. It seems like a fantasy that could have been imagined all along; all his love affairs, his romances, his desires, his lust, meant not a thing now. Nate experiences the thought not a thing tangibly as it merges with and echoes into his breath.
A beauty appears in Nate’s mind, exposing herself out from a water fall, more sensual than his most daring dreams. Who are you, his body says in thought form.
Astarte, she mouths with her lips.
Light emanates from her and water drips from her, both touching Nate to abandon. Perhaps, he thinks, death comes as a blissful vision.
I am not death, she breathes in his naval center.
Who then.
One who embodies passion.
For real?
Yeah.
I was giving it up.
That’s why I am here with you and not death.
How good is that to me, now.
A quiet breath moves Nate’s body, imperceptibly.
You need your passion to survive.
How.
Remember what you were once passionate about.
I have forgotten. I thought water was what I needed now.
Your dreams are the water you seek.
For real?
Yeah.
I had given them up.
That’s why I am here, with you.
Am I meant to live then.
More than ever.
Why this.
How else would you know there is water within you.
A breath moves through Nate.
And there is more. You are addicted to giving up.
So, this is a test.
No. Think of the butterfly needing to break out of its cocoon. If someone puts a tear in it, the butterfly will never fly. The cocoon is not a test to the butterfly. It is a means to give it the strength it needs to transform. You are in your cocoon.
It’s impossible. I’m dying.
Only if you give up.
~ ~ ~
Astarte! Astarte! calls Asherah through a thought fragrance Nate cannot perceive. Let him be, let him learn on his own.
Asherah, I know you are right, Astarte emits using the same fragrance. She lingers over Nate sensuously before she joins Asherah in the Æther.
Anath, goddess of war, addresses Asherah. Goddess of fertility, why didn’t you let Astarte have it her way.
I did. Look how lust dominates his thoughts.
She would have gone further had you not interfered.
Just watch, interjects Astarte, I am glad she did.
Anath: I bet the entire Middle East that he won’t make it.
Astarte: You are tricking us again. Tell us how many more years of war you are wanting this time if you win.
Anath: A hundred.
Asherah: Don’t you bet with her Astarte. You know how it goes. She’ll interfere with humans to continue to have it her way. She always wins.
Anath: You two are boring me.
Asherah: Shhh! Watch him! If you don’t meddle with his senses, he still has a chance and Astarte will get a new badge of excellence.
Anath: That means she gets to seduce 100 more humans. Tell me who really wins.
Asherah: We all do. That leads to more procreation, Earth fills with more humans and they fight. We each get our fill.
Anath: Yes, but their fighting without my involvement does not give me as much pleasure.
Astarte: Stop your belligerence you two. The time has come again. Let’s merge as The Mother, Atargatis. Victory is ours.
~ ~ ~
Nate, overcome by uncontrollable arousal, no longer wishes to die and, for a moment, tries to open his eyes. He can’t. He strives harder. The strength he seeks is similar to being in a dream and wanting desperately to wake up. He remembers the words of the goddess: “Your dreams are the water you seek.”
What were his dreams? He once felt quenched. He was being prompted on a topic that escapes him in this moment. He remembers the sense of possibilities that opened up then in his own heart and the joy he felt. What was that?
~ ~ ~
Atargatis whispers soothing words barely audible by humans. The doctors move with new inspiration around the table to keep up patching Nate’s entire body with a skin substitute. They had started by immersing him in a plasma fluid mixed with a solution that prevented Nate’s body to lose more blood. As long as Nate wished to die, his body rejected the skin substitute. It was now starting to stick.
Nate’s skin had dissolved instantly while working on a secret weapon, an Anath creation, although no humans knew. It left him raw and blistered all over. His colleagues had ran away to avoid losing their sight when they first saw the pulsing flashes of light. All 33 of them. Except for Hanae who hid and accepted the risk of blindness to remain with Nate. Those who sponsored the experiment did not want to be found and transported him on a desolate beach, a thousand miles from the experimental bunker. Still hiding, Hanae remained in meditation to keep her connection to Nate.
Ten hours into the surgery, the doctors relax and look at each other relieved that the skin grafts are finally working and they now have time to wonder out loud about the cause of this strange case.
~ ~ ~
Atargatis shows herself in Nate’s thoughts. He is still on the operation table. Mother? He breathes.
Yes.
I will live.
Yes.
I remember now.
You do.
I know what to do.
I will be there with you.
I don’t need to find them.
What do you mean.
I don’t need to bring them to justice.
Go on.
All I need is to cut off all magnetic attraction between them and myself.
What about the rest of humanity.
Once I know how to cut off that magnetic connection, I can help others … or, even better, I can clear that magnetic connection for everyone.
Atargatis disappears and Nate feels a terrifying emptiness and a deep craving causing him to doubt himself at the very core of his being. It is the feeling of death itself.
~ ~ ~
In the Æther, Anath is dying. Asherah and Astarte are stunned. Goddesses are immortal, aren’t they.
Anath: We were until now.
Astarte: What do you mean.
Anath: Nate has discovered another layer of dreaming, he is no longer feeding off of mine. He won’t continue the endless cycle of war. It is now inevitable that humanity will follow suit. And you know the saying: ‘what happens on Earth spreads to the Universe.’
Asherah: If you die, what will come of us.
Anath: You will die eventually. There is only one hope. Humans feel our death as their own. If they are kept in this belief, they will go back to their old ways and forget the new world they have just started to dream into reality. That would bring us back to life.
Astarte and Asherah look at each other. No time to waste. They dive back to watch Nate. They know that, if they connect with him, he will feel whole again, and that would remove the doubt that paralyzes him. They have to find another way to keep him under the spell of doubt.
They notice that Nate is not as deep in darkness as expected. There is light reaching him. They follow its source and become aware of Hanae. She is approaching Nate. They find her and try to seduce her with the promise of her sight back. Her determination remains infallible and she ignores the gift offering. They let her see them as the goddesses that they are. Hanae is stunned and forgets Nate sending him into the most unbearable of darkness. He touches the familiar yet devastating feeling, beyond giving up, the wish to cease to exist, not even in the soul world.
Astarte and Asherah tell Hanae they have the power to make her immortal. She only has to wish it. Hanae asks for one favor, that Nate be made immortal too. For less than a split second Astarte and Asherah look at each other, realizing that to make Nate immortal will bring him on their side and will save Anath. They agree to her request.
The infinitesimal pause leaves Hanae’s heart free from the goddesses’ seductive hold and she sees through them. She disconnects her magnetic attraction to them and reconnects it to Nate. Recognizing the pull of giving up as external to him, Nate broke free of it and is able to open up to Hanae’s light again.
~ ~ ~
Asherah and Astarte join Anath for her last breath.
Anath: We lost.
Asherah and Astarte: We lost.
~ ~ ~
Oblivious to the drama of the goddesses, Hanae finds Nate in his hospital bed, still under anesthesia. She waits, immersing him with love.