It touched Dad deeply that I dug the nettle roots out and prepared them myself.
Margaret was on my mind all the time I spent with Dad; each competing for my attention. I did not tell him about the 1850s letters I found. I am not ready to share her with him. History is his turf, but her letters feel very personal.
* * *
Letter no. 4 – June 13th, 1854
I have been thinking about joining the Servants of the Good Shepherd in Quebec City and work in their garden. I want nothing to do with the common things people think are important. I wonder if you know that feeling taking roots in your heart that something very important is missing in your life and if you could only find it, your deepest dreams would be answered.
I have not made up my mind about joining the Sisters in Quebec City. My parents have been well but, being the only one of their children left, I want to be with them as they grow older. I do not dare bring this up with them as they will urge me to be in service to God. They will not think of themselves.
I feel as though I am drying up here like a leaf detached from its branch. What would be your advice?
M. E.
* * *
Wouldn’t she be safe with the Sisters? Wouldn’t she be at home there, caring for a garden?
* * *
Letter no. 5 – July 12th, 1854
I was telling you about the insanity of our world. There were riots between Protestants and Catholics in Manchester, New Hampshire, on the 3rd and 4th of the month. The city authorities did not apprehend anyone even though they desecrated the newly built Catholic church, Saint Anne, by throwing bricks through its windows. People are easily aroused and quick to action. The anti-Catholic sentiments are deep due to the Church’s influence over its followers and the fear that such influence has a bearing on the Catholics voting power. Will Saint Anne’s church survive into your time?
If there is politics even in the Church, do I want to join the Sisters? It would be a relief to me from the suitors who press my parents that I marry them.
M. E.
* * *
Margaret’s concerns affect me. I was living my life, just being a handy man. Now she brings into my life questions I never bothered with. I never married. I had been content with a girlfriend here and there, not asking for much, doing my job. My last relationship ended weeks ago and I don’t really miss her. Why has Margaret come into my life?
I went to work this morning for a new client. I could not get Margaret out of my mind. I thought I saw a woman looking at me from outside. When I looked at the window, there was no one. I got up and looked outside; there were no foot steps in the snow.
I feel a new sense of wanting something I never felt before. I don’t really know what it is I want. It’d be nice if Margaret materialized in my life so we could have a real conversation. But it is more than that. Thoughts haunt me now. I guess it’s her quest for peace in life, not just for herself, but for humanity. She writes like she knows it is meant to be. Now it haunts me; if it is our destiny, perhaps I have something to contribute. But I’m just a plumber who, once in a while, discovers family secrets. What can I do?
* * *
Letter no. 6 – August 7th, 1854
Since Franklin Pierce, our president from New Hampshire, signed the Kansas-Nebraska act last May, people are rushing from everywhere to fight over the status of slavery there. Do men only think of war as a means to establish lasting democracy? Is fighting the only way to settle an agreement? We are not in a state of war, but it seems inevitable to me. President Pierce had no peaceful choice. Had he decided that the new settlement be for or against slavery, he would have started a national civil war. He chose the lesser of two evils.
Only my work in my garden can soothe me from these turbulent times.
I wonder what your president stands for. I wonder if you have seen a woman president, or a president of color. Do you have a garden of your own and is it soothing to you?
M. E.
* * *
Margaret’s letters are pressing against my own ignorance of the deeper social issues of my time. I know little beyond my work and my personal life. I leave community and national service to others, trusting that those who choose such line of work actually mean to do some good. I have experienced some economic difficulties in the last few years but I roll with them. People always need a plumber. I’ll always have a job. I haven’t lost as much as others have who now get organized to create social change. That’s good, I think. But I haven’t felt called to join them.
* * *
Letter no. 7 – September 23rd, 1854
The arguments about States’ rights, slavery and the development of a women’s rights movement are certainly signs of tensions that once resolved will lead to more harmonious times. My dilemma is I can imagine the harmonious times in my heart as they seem so obviously the way of humanity. In the meanwhile, I feel for all sides and I am afraid not many of my times would understand how I stand. That’s why I write these letters to you, my friend of the future, who may be better able to appreciate my delicate position.
Dear Mystery Friend, my joy lies in that you know of a deeper human freedom and harmony.
M. E.